


The First Rule Is Not To Fall In Love

by novilunar



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Barebacking, M/M, Romance, Sugar Daddy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 22:30:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3335159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novilunar/pseuds/novilunar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tao’s relationship with Joonmyeon is more complicated than it’s supposed to be and Tao doesn’t know how to stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First Rule Is Not To Fall In Love

Tao is fairly sure that meeting with his sugar daddy isn't supposed to make him feel like a teenage girl getting ready for her first date. He's already gone through three possible outfits and is currently figuring out if the fourth one makes his ass look better than the last one when Sehun's voice interrupts him.

“Why are you even trying so hard, I mean he's paying you, isn't he? It's not like you have to seduce him to get into his will before staging his untimely death in a freak accident, you're already getting the money.”

Tao sighs at his roommate. “It's _because_ he's paying me. There are certain expectations of people in this profession, we can't turn up looking like, well. You.” Tao gives Sehun's dirty sweatpants a judging look and Sehun scoffs.

He settles for the fourth outfit, feeling that the black jeans are tight enough to show off his thighs and ass but discreet enough to work in a classier setting too. He's still not sure where they're going tonight, the only information he has is a text saying that he's going to be picked up at 7 o'clock outside his dorms. 

There's a slight tingle in his stomach when he laces his boots and shrugs on his leather jacket, and Tao doesn't know if it's nervousness, having been more than a week since he's seen his sugar daddy, or something else and he tries to push it to the back of his mind for now.

“Have fun whoring!” Sehun says, and Tao picks up a shoe, throwing it in the general direction of his friend. It misses, but only slightly, and Tao slams the door shut after him to protect himself from retaliation. 

 

-

 

Tao isn't used to having to wait, scuffing his leather boots against the sidewalk as he gazes down the street to spot any sign of the black Mercedes. It's only a few minutes past 7 but he's impatient nonetheless.

He'd been happy when he'd gotten the text from Joonmyeon, happier than maybe he should have been. Usually they met up a handful of times per week but after their last date Tao's phone had been disappointingly silent. It was because of the money, he told himself. That must have been why he was happy. A small voice in his head reminds him that he still has half the money left from what Joonmyeon had given him the last time they met, it's not like he's barely scraping by financially. But it's easier to deal with that reasoning than the alternative.

When Joonmyeon pulls up Tao feels a small lurch in his chest. He doesn't hesitate to get into the passenger seat and as soon as he's seated Joonmyeon leans over to press a kiss to his cheek. The corners of Tao's mouth curve up. He can scent Joonmyeon's cologne, subtle and masculine. It's one that Tao helped him pick out on one of their shopping trips.

“Sorry I'm a bit late,” Joonmyeon says. He's still in his suit, a charcoal grey, tailored one, and Tao loves the contrast it strikes between them. He must have come straight from the office, hair styled casually enough to look professional, Rolex showing where the sleeve of his dress shirt slides up slightly as he rests a hand on the wheel. He feels a world apart from Tao's leather bracelets and silver piercings. 

“It's okay. I didn't wait long.”

“Good,” Joonmyeon says, idly picking at a stray thread on Tao's jeans, finger brushing against his thigh. It's a habit Tao noticed quickly, the way Joonmyeon fidgets when he's stressed. It makes Tao want to help him forget all about work. “Where do you want to eat?”

“You decide,” Tao says, putting his hand over Joonmyeon's to still it. He grins. “It’s your money.”

There's a small, tired smile on Joonmyeon's face. “Is take-away okay? Or do you want to go out?”

“Take-away is fine.” Tao likes the restaurants, he really does, but Joonmyeon looks like he hasn't had a proper rest in days and what he wants is more important. He is, after all, the one buying Tao's time.

It was supposed to be an easy thing. A mutually beneficial agreement where Tao got pampered and a big help with paying off his college loans, and in return helped some stressed out, too rich for his own good businessman get through the hardships of staying on top of the career ladder and having a salary with more digits than one could possibly need. No feelings attached, no delusions of love, pay the money upfront. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.

Tao had never had a problem with any of that. Until he met Kim Joonmyeon.

-

 

“I’ll take you out somewhere nice next time,” Joonmyeon promises as he puts down the take away containers while Tao gets them something to drink. Joonmyeon's expensive wine collection feels a bit mismatched with the cardboard boxes of Chinese food they bought from a hole in the wall on their way home, but Tao knows it's one of the few vices Joonmyeon lets himself indulge in.

“This is nice,” Tao says. Joonmyeon gives him a polite smile, as if he doesn’t really believe him, and Tao wavers.

It hadn't taken long for Tao to feel at home in Joonmyeon's too big apartment, even if it had surprised him the first time he was taken to an actual place of living instead of the expensive hotel rooms his previous sugar daddy took him to. It was a double edged sword, really. Being in Joonmyeon's apartment made it easier for him to help Joonmyeon relax, to feel close to him, but in a hotel room there was never any mistake about why he was there. In a hotel room, it was a business transaction. In someone's home it could easily feel like something more.

“I hope I'm not taking away any of your study time. I know it was on a short notice.”

Tao shakes his head as he digs through his box to fish out the largest pieces of chicken with his chopsticks, happy to eat food that’s cooked rather than microwaved. “I'm doing fine, I had an exam last week so there’s not a lot going on right now. And it's not exactly like you've been occupying me this week.” It comes out whinier than he means to and he bites his lip. He tries not to sound too immature in front of Joonmyeon, not wanting the older man to think he’s a nuisance, but it’s hard not to sound put out when he wanted to see Joonmyeon so badly.

Joonmyeon just gives him an apologetic smile. “I know. It's been a lot at work, I've barely been able to get home some nights. I-” He hesitates for a second, then shakes his head. “I'm glad you had time.”

Sometimes Tao hates how nice Joonmyeon is. If he had been one of those asshole rich guys who thought that they could get anything they wanted just by waving their credit card, Tao would have had no problem with the relationship they had. But Joonmyeon isn’t like that. 

Joonmyeon, with the kind smile who wants to make sure that Tao’s doing well in his studies and who apologizes for not having time to meet with him, as if it’s something he owes Tao, when really it’s the other way around. Joonmyeon, who will stroke his hair when they’re curled up naked on Joonmyeon’s bed and ask him if it’s possible for him to stay the night despite his morning class, says he’ll give him a ride in the morning and they can get Tao’s favourite chai tea on the way.

It makes Tao want more than he should.

 

-

 

“I got you something.”

Tao looks up from where he's throwing away the empty food boxes, finding Joonmyeon with a small, black paper bag hanging from his outstretched hand. A satisfied smile creeps up on Tao's face. He loves presents. Especially presents from Joonmyeon.

There's a small black box with a silver band inside the bag and Tao recognizes the packaging immediately. He opens it with glee, smiling brightly at Joonmyeon as he picks up the accessories inside. There are three piercings, silver and black and just his style, but the item that catches his attention is a ring, also silver and slightly heavy in his hand. It's also completely identical to his favorite ring, the one he'd accidentally dropped in the river while out with Sehun and Jongin a few weeks ago. 

“Was that the right one? You seemed upset about losing it, I thought that maybe-”

“Hyung,” Tao interrupted him. He hadn't more than mentioned it in passing to Joonmyeon. “How did you know?”

“You used to wear something like that, but then you didn’t. I thought— Is it the wrong ring?” Joonmyeon gets a sheepish look on his face and Tao can’t help but giggle at his expression.

“No, it’s the right one. Thank you,” he says, putting the ring on.

“I’m glad you like it,” Joonmyeon takes Tao’s hand, the one with the ring on, and pulls him close.

Tao can feel Joonmyeon’s breath against his throat and he hopes the older man can’t hear the rapid speed at which his heart rate picks up. With a hand on the back of Tao’s neck, thumb stroking along his jawline, Joonmyeon coaxes Tao’s head down for a kiss. Their lips move with a familiarity that Tao has missed during the last week, a gentle push and pull that soon has them both panting for more, peeling off clothes and moving through the apartment until finally Tao is spread out across silk sheets, Joonmyeon’s fingers leaving burning traces across his skin.

Joonmyeon doesn't fuck, not really. He never puts it to words but Tao is pretty sure that if he did it would be something like “being intimate” or “making love”. He likes taking his time to work Tao open, spread him with his fingers until Tao's hips are jerking up for more and Tao is begging for Joonmyeon to fill him up. 

Sometimes Tao just want to flip them over and sink down on his cock, ride him hard until he comes with a bruising grip on Tao's hips but he knows he can’t. This time isn’t his. It belongs to Joonmyeon, paid for in hard cash, pretty jewelry and fancy dinners.

It would have been so much easier if Joonmyeon had been unattractive.

As it stands, Tao can’t help staring at Joonmyeon’s back view as he gets off the bed for a shower, bending slightly to pick up his robe from a chair. He’s not even doing it purposefully, Tao knows that the other man isn’t even aware of how hot he is, but just the view of his ass and the pink scratch marks Tao left on his back earlier is enough to get the blood rushing to Tao’s cock again, despite having just come. Twice.

By the time Joonmyeon is done with his shower Tao is fully hard again, stroking himself as Joonmyeon watches from the doorway to the en suite bathroom.

“You’re insatiable,” he chides, getting on the bed and straddling Tao’s thighs before wrapping a hand around Tao’s erection, joining Tao’s fingers in their soft strokes.

“Only when I’m with you,” Tao says, and it’s not a line but it sounds like one. He chokes on a moan when Joonmyeon tightens his grip, the pre-cum leaking from his tip making the glide smooth and easy. Joonmyeon’s gaze is directed at his cock, enveloped by their joined hands, and while Tao finds that incredibly hot he also gets a sudden urge to tell Joonmyeon to look at him.

He stays quiet instead, the only sounds leaving his mouth being moans and whimpers as Joonmyeon works him until he’s spilling over both their hands, gasping with oversensitivity before Joonmyeon lets go.

Tao runs his hands up Joonmyeon’s legs, underneath the hem of the robe that ends at mid-thigh, but his fingers barely get to reach their goal before Joonmyeon pulls him away with a loose grip on each wrist. There’s a whine of annoyance in the back of Tao’s throat, but it’s subdued as Joonmyeon leans down to kiss him.

“I appreciate it, but I’m no teenager. I’m afraid I don’t have the refractory period you do, Zitao.”

It’s not like Joonmyeon is even _that_ old, only 8 years older than Tao, but he seems to have made his mind up and Tao misses the heat on his thighs when Joonmyeon stands up, leaving to get a wash cloth from the bath room to clean up Tao with.

The first time Joonmyeon had cleaned him up, Tao almost laughed at the disparity of it. His last daddy had left him to take care of himself, conking out directly after orgasm whether Tao was still hard or covered in cum or not. Joonmyeon is more thoughtful, and Tao finds himself used to the feeling of warm cloth against his skin after sex, carefully cleaning him up as if Joonmyeon wants to take care of him. Tao doesn’t feel like laughing about it anymore.

 

-

 

Sehun is in the middle of some pointless video game argument with Jongin’s roommate Chanyeol (Tao stopped listening as soon as he heard the terms “mid” and “jungle” along with a string of ridiculous-sounding made up names) when Jongin suddenly points at Tao’s hand.

“Didn’t you drop that in the river?”

Tao looks down at his finger before taking a sip of his tea. “Joonmyeon got me a new one.” He tries to hide his smile in his cup but he can tell by Sehun’s gagging noises that he doesn’t really succeed.

“Who’s Joonmyeon? Your boyfriend?” Chanyeol asks.

Sehun starts laughing with a mouthful of his lunch and Tao hopes lovingly that he chokes.

“He’s Tao’s sugar daddy,” Jongin explains and Chanyeol’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Really? So like, how does that work?”

“He’s like a whore you can take on dates,” Jongin grins while Tao rolls his eyes. Sehun and Jongin may be his best friends but they’ve been making fun of his job since he started and he doesn’t expect them to take it seriously anymore.

“It’s not like that,” he says to Chanyeol. “It’s just companionship in exchange for money and dinners and stuff.”

“So, sort of like paying for a boyfriend?” Chanyeol asks.

Boyfriend? Tao has never thought about it in those terms. “I suppose,” he says with a shrug. The word feels more accurate than the ones Sehun and Jongin keep using but it’s still not right. Boyfriend means commitment, fidelity, love. Things that have no place in his relationship with Joonmyeon.

But that doesn’t stop him from wondering what it would be like to have them

 

-

 

Getting through a 2 hour lecture on physics is tough at the best of times, but today it’s almost impossible. It’s been days since Tao last heard from Joonmyeon and he is getting restless again.

Abandoning his half-assed attempt at taking notes, Tao goes through all the latest photos he’s taken on his phone instead. Other than the pictures of his friends messing around there’s a noticeable red thread throughout them all. The bags from a shopping trip with Joonmyeon, a selca of him wearing the shirt Joonmyeon had paid for, a picture of the piercings Joonmyeon had given him the last time they met.

Tao regularly sends Joonmyeon pictures, small things from his day, things that made him think of Joonmyeon or selcas when Tao feels that Joonmyeon has gone too long without seeing his pretty face. Sehun had teased him once when he saw Tao posing, asking if he got an extra five bucks per picture, and Tao had just sneered at him. He doesn’t get anything in return for the pictures, not even a reply as the only time Joonmyeon texts him is to decide when to meet, but deep down Tao hopes that maybe the pictures makes Joonmyeon think about him a little more.

There’s not a single picture of Joonmyeon in his phone. It had been one of the few things Joonmyeon had been decisive about when Tao had begged him to take a selca together, and while Tao had played it off with a pout and pretended that he wasn’t affected, it had hurt to be turned down by Joonmyeon. It wasn’t like he was going to use the pictures for blackmail or anything, he just wants something to look at, to convince himself that their relationship doesn’t consist only of material things, that Joonmyeon’s questions about his studies come from genuine interest rather than regular small talk, that the smile he gives Tao is not the same one he gives to his business partners after a successful affair. That when Joonmyeon takes Tao’s hand in his it’s more than a way to usher Tao into the car so they can return to the sanctuary of Joonmyeon’s apartment whenever Joonmyeon has had enough of people looking strangely at the businessman out with the college student.

Looking through the pictures of assorted clothes and accessories that Joonmyeon has paid for, he starts wondering if maybe he’s trying to make it into something it’s not.

 

-

 

“Why hasn’t he calle~d,” Tao says, dragging out the last syllable until Sehun slams his book shut and pays attention to him.

“Maybe he got tired of your whiny ass and decided to get a girlfriend.” Sehun sighs and spins around in his chair to face Tao when the latter makes a sound like a hurt animal. Sehun has an exam coming up and has been even bitchier than usual, and while Tao knows that he actually doesn’t mean any harm he can’t help the painful pang in his chest at Sehun’s words.

“He wouldn’t,” Tao mutters.

“Why do you even care? It’s not like he’s your boyfriend.”

_What if I want him to be_ , is at the tip of Tao’s tongue but he keeps it in, knows that it will earn nothing but mockery from Sehun. He settles for silence instead, staring down at his bare feet buried in the comforter.

“Hey,” Sehun says when Tao doesn’t talk back to him. “Don’t tell me you care about him.”

“Why shouldn’t I? He’s really nice.”

Sehun lets out a sigh before getting out of his chair and climbing onto Tao’s bed, sitting down next to him. “Remember that he’s paying you.”

Tao rolls his eyes at Sehun’s reminder, “I know.”

“No, I mean it, Tao.” There’s a serious tone to Sehun’s voice, one that Tao hasn’t heard a lot. “Don’t get too attached, you’ll only end up hurt.” 

Slowly, Tao leans his head against Sehun’s shoulder, and Sehun lets him. “I don’t know how to stop liking him,” Tao admits, and Sehun doesn’t make a mocking comeback or a poisonous jab like he usually would.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” he says instead.

Tao knows. It’s too hard to stop though, too hard to quit when all he wants is for Joonmyeon to care about him. He wants so badly for Joonmyeon to care about him that it hurts. 

 

-

 

Their long lunch had only served to make Tao even more excited to get home to Joonmyeon’s apartment, a weekend that Tao should probably have used for studying for next week’s exams instead being instantly booked up when Joonmyeon called him in the morning to ask him if he had time to meet.

Joonmyeon is in only a white button down today, suit jacket in hand as he unlocks the apartment door and steps inside, and Tao can’t keep his eyes off him. If the way Joonmyeon looked at him when they left the restaurant was any indication, he’s as eager as Tao to get some privacy. 

He pushes Tao up against the wall and kisses him with fervour, Tao’s hands instinctively slipping down his back to spread across Joonmyeon’s ass, pushing them closer and revelling in the hitch in Joonmyeon’s breath as he does so.

Warm fingers move underneath the hem of Tao’s shirt and he tenses as Joonmyeon strokes his hands over his hipbones, across the plane of his stomach before lifting and dragging the shirt off of Tao. Joonmyeon’s hands look pale against Tao’s tan torso as they drag across his abdomen, his nipples, making Tao gasp and arch into his touch.

“I’m sorry, but you can’t stay over tonight.” Joonmyeon says suddenly, pressing their hips together and kissing a trail along Tao’s jaw. “There’s a dinner party, some people from the company. I have to go.”

Tao sighs, not bothering to hide his discontentment even as he moves his neck to give Joonmyeon better access to where he’s mouth across his skin, wishing he would leave marks even though he knows Joonmyeon never does. He doesn’t want to take Joonmyeon for granted, but he is a bit disappointed at having to leave so quickly.

“Hey, no need to be like that,” Joonmyeon says, pulling back to look at Tao with his million dollar smile. “We’ve still got plenty of time.”

He returns to his ministrations on Tao’s neck and slides a hand down to cup the bulge in Tao’s jeans. The pressure is not nearly enough and Tao quickly unbuttons Joonmyeon’s shirt before pushing it down his shoulders as he pulls him towards the bedroom.

Tao has gotten skilled at getting Joonmyeon out of his suit in record time, dropping his own jeans and underwear on the floor as he lies back on the bed, dragging Joonmyeon on top of him with a grin.

Joonmyeon keeps pressing kisses into Tao’s skin, moving down his body along his stomach, his pelvis, ignoring his throbbing erection in favour of giving him light butterfly kisses on the sensitive skin on the inside of Tao’s thighs, making him gasp with need.

When Joonmyeon finally puts his mouth on Tao’s dick, Tao almost sobs in relief. Joonmyeon licks his way up, slowly, before taking the tip into his mouth and sinking down gradually, pulling up now and then and pressing his tongue into the slit. His hands are warm on Tao’s thighs, holding them down and keeping Tao from bucking into his mouth even when he slides all the way down.

The wet heat of Joonmyeon’s mouth feels amazing around Tao’s cock, and when Joonmyeon taps his hip with two fingers, the other hand drawing down beneath Tao’s balls to brush against his entrance, it takes a few seconds for Tao to get his bearings enough to reach over and retrieve the lube and a condom from Joonmyeon’s night stand. He presses them into Joonmyeon’s hand urgently, gasping when a lube-covered finger presses into him.

Joonmyeon is slow as usual as he opens Tao up, waiting until Tao is mewling and pushing his hips down before he pushes another finger inside. The pads of Joonmyeon’s fingertips press against Tao’s prostate and he gasps out Joonmyeon’s name, begging him for more.

“Patience,” Joonmyeon whispers into Tao’s thigh and the hot breath against his skin makes Tao’s cock twitch with arousal.

He’s boneless under Joonmyeon’s touches, dick leaking against his stomach as he moans when Joonmyeon presses in a third finger and Tao grabs at his shoulders just to touch him, feel his warm skin underneath his fingertips. If he doesn’t get Joonmyeon inside of him soon he’ll go crazy.

“Please, I’m ready,” Tao moans, “Tell me how you want me.”

Joonmyeon smiles up at Tao from between his legs and there’s a hitch in Tao’s breath as he takes in the view. Slowly dragging out his fingers, Joonmyeon crawls up Tao’s body to press their lips together, licking his way into Tao’s mouth. Tao angles his hips up and swallows Joonmyeon’s moan when their erections slide against each other. At this point he’d do anything Joonmyeon asked him to. The salty taste of his own pre-come lingers in Tao’s mouth as Joonmyeon pushes at his thigh. 

“On your side,” he says, putting on the condom and lying down behind Tao as the younger boy rolls over, Joonmyeon’s warm chest pressing against his back. Tao can feel Joonmyeon’s erection pressing against his ass and he pushes his hips back, the sound of Joonmyeon groaning into his ear making him even harder.

“Just fuck me already,” Tao says, voice cutting off with a groan as Joonmyeon hitches his thigh up with a hand and presses his cock into Tao.

Joonmyeon is so close, their bodies burning hot against each other as he starts thrusting. Tao’s head falls against Joonmyeon’s shoulder as he closes his eyes in pleasure, Joonmyeon’s lips pressing against Tao’s pulse point and it’s too much, the way he’s lying cradled against Joonmyeon as the older man raises his head and nudges Tao’s chin to angle his head up for a kiss.

He can feel when Joonmyeon is about to come, his thrusts turning hard and irregular as he wraps a hand around Tao’s cock, pumping him with the same rhythm he’s driving his hips forward.

“Come on, baby, come for me.” Joonmyeon’s voice is low and husky in Tao’s ear and the nickname makes Tao tense up, shuddering as he comes violently over Joonmyeon’s hand and sheets.

Joonmyeon fucks him through the aftershocks of it before pulling out, ripping the condom off and coming in hot streaks across Tao’s ass and thighs with a groan.

It takes them a few minutes to get their breath back, Joonmyeon’s face pressed against Tao’s neck, his hand splayed across Tao’s hip.

“I better go shower,” Joonmyeon says finally, making to get up.

“Can I join you?” Tao asks. The drying come on his skin is only partly the reason. Mostly he just wants to spend as much time with Joonmyeon as he can before he has to leave.

“Sure,” Joonmyeon smiles, dragging Tao up by his wrist. “But no funny business, I don’t want to be late.”

Tao smiles his most angelic smile as he follows Joonmyeon into the bathroom.

They haven’t done this a lot, Joonmyeon prefers showering on his own, but there’s a comfortable familiarity about it as Tao lets his hands run across Joonmyeon’s skin under the excuse of cleaning him up with the body wash. He’s knows Joonmyeon’s body, how to make him feel good, and even when it’s not sexual he knows just which muscles to massage a little extra to make Joonmyeon relax under his hands.

By the time they get out of the shower Tao has almost managed to forget the dinner party. It comes back to him when he sees Joonmyeon meticulously picking out one of his suits and two dress shirts, brandishing them toward Tao who points at the lighter one, knowing how good it will look on Joonmyeon in contrast to the darkness of the suit. 

Tao pulls on his underwear and jeans, but finds it more interesting to watch Joonmyeon choose cufflinks than getting dressed, until Joonmyeon glances over at him. “We have to leave soon, I’m picking someone up.”

“Your date?” Tao jokes, finally pulling his tank top back on.

Joonmyeon nods distractedly as he messes with his cufflinks, and Tao’s stomach drops.

“I’m supposed to meet up with her in twenty minutes, it’s just enough time to drop you off at your dorm.” Joonmyeon turns away from where he’s straightening his suit in the mirror and looks at Tao. “Are you ready to go?”

Tao nods, unsure if he can trust his voice.

Of course, he thinks in the elevator down as he watches the Joonmyeon’s reflection in the mirror, the sharp lines of his fitted suit. He should have seen this coming, he thinks as he steps into the Mercedes, the rips in his jeans dragging against the leather seats.

Don’t forget that he’s paying you.

 

-

 

When Tao gets back to his dorm Sehun is reading a manga on his bed, and Tao doesn’t hesitate to curl up next to him, stealing his comforter and wrapping it around himself.

Sehun opens his mouth, but before he can get a word out Tao interrupts him. “Please don’t say ‘I told you so’.”

There’s something in the tone of Tao’s voice that makes Sehun yield, tugging at a corner until Tao lets go and Sehun joins him inside the blanket. “What happened?”

“We had lunch, he fucked me, and then he went to a party with some girl as his date.” Tao stares down at his hands. 

“Fuck,” Sehun says. “I’m sorry.”

Tao shakes his head. “No, you were right.” Sehun had been his best friend for years and maybe his advice wasn’t always the best, but this time Tao wishes he had listened. “I just thought— He always acted like he really cared,” Tao finishes weakly.

“You really like him, don’t you?” Sehun says after a moment of silence, and Tao nods. 

“It’s so stupid,” he mumbles into the fabric of Sehun’s t-shirt, burying his face in his friends shoulder so Sehun can’t see the tears forming in his eyes. “I’m stupid.”

“Tao, you’re not stupid. But you can’t date guys like that.” Sehun raises a hand and pets Tao’s hair. It feels different from when Joonmyeon does it, but it’s comforting nonetheless. “Are you going to keep seeing him?”

Tao thinks it over for a second, but he knows that it will hurt too much to continue like he’s doing. “No. I can’t do this, not when he’s—not when this doesn’t mean to him what it does to me.”

 

-

 

When Tao gets his exam result, he almost jumps with joy. As soon as he’s out of class he pulls his phone out, intent on calling whoever wants to listen to him brag about the best exam result he’s gotten the whole semester.

His smile freezes when he sees the contact he opened on instinct. Joonmyeon was always the one who used to ask him how he was doing in school so it felt natural to tell him whenever he did well, and apparently the habit has stuck despite the fact that they haven’t spoken since Tao texted him a week ago, saying that he wanted to stop their relationship. It was mostly thanks to the support of Sehun, who Tao had consulted at least 6 times about the wording until he finally took Tao’s phone and pressed send himself. 

Joonmyeon had called him an hour later, twice. Tao hadn’t picked up.

Tao shakes his head, pocketing his phone. He had expected it to get easier after quitting things with Joonmyeon, and it had only been a week, but it was like Joonmyeon just couldn’t get out of his mind. 

It didn’t help that most of his clothes were from their shopping trips so he could barely open his wardrobe and get dressed for the day without thinking about Joonmyeon, but at least today wasn’t like two days ago, when he had accidentally put on a shirt he had forgotten to wash after wearing to Joonmyeon’s place. The smell of the older man’s cologne was still clinging to the fabric and clouding Tao’s mind with a mixture of sadness and arousal until he finally managed to get back to his dorm and change during lunch.

Sehun had tried cheering him up, and even Jongin and Chanyeol must have noticed his mood since they had been inviting him to even more game nights despite that fact that Tao rarely took part in them even before.

It was better this way, he tried to tell himself. To cut Joonmyeon out of his life instead of trying to live a lie, pretending like nothing mattered while he stayed on Joonmyeon’s terms. This way Tao could be free to do whatever he wanted, could date whoever he wanted, and so could Joonmyeon.

If the thought of Joonmyeon with someone else made him feel slightly sick, he pushed it to the back of his mind, and pretended it didn’t happen. 

 

-

 

There’s a knock on the door just when Tao is starting to get to the most interesting part of his book and he sighs, rolling off his bed to go open it. It’s probably Jongin who forgot his shoes again despite Tao and Sehun’s advice that it wouldn’t happen as often if he stopped taking them off everywhere he went. Tao pulls the door open and freezes.

“Uhm, hi,” Joonmyeon says, standing awkwardly in the hallway. He looks comically out of place in the dorm house with his pristine suit, fiddling with his cufflinks. ´

“How did you know this was my room?” Tao asks, still not sure how to react to Joonmyeon’s sudden appearance.

“Well I knew it was this building since I used to drop you off here, and I sort of, well. Asked around a bit,” Joonmyeon says with a sheepish expression. “Look, I wanted to talk to you.”

“I don’t see how we have anything to talk about,” Tao says haughtily. He can’t let his guard down. If he does, he’ll end up dragging Joonmyeon into his dorm and pushing him into his bed, or blurting out that he loves him or something equally ridiculous. 

“I just wanted to know why you didn’t—” Joonmyeon shoots a look down the corridor, furrowing his brow. “Can we talk inside your dorm?”

Tao wishes he had the willpower to say no, some poisonous retort or good reason as to why he shouldn’t let Joonmyeon in, but instead he finds himself opening up the door, going inside of his dorm to lean against his desk, Joonmyeon closing the door after himself as he enters the room.

“I just want to know why, Tao.” Joonmyeon says, and Tao falters at the soft look in his eyes. “If I did something wrong—”

Tao shakes his head with a mirthless laugh. “I was the one who fucked up.”

The expression of concern on Joonmyeon’s face makes Tao’s mind start turning to dangerous paths again, the ones telling him that maybe Joonmyeon does care, maybe it means more for him too, maybe…

“Do you need anything? Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You’re the one person who really can’t help me,” Tao says, staring down at the floor when Joonmyeon takes a step closer. “I just— I can’t keep doing what we did.”

“Why?” Joonmyeon keeps pressing, pushing past the guard that Tao desperately tries to keep up, but it’s so much harder with Joonmyeon right there, looking at him with that worried look and still smelling of that cologne Tao picked out for him.

“Because I’m not supposed to have feelings for you, but I do. And I can’t keep pretending like I don’t when you—” Tao takes a shuddering breath, trying to sort out all the thoughts and emotions that come rushing at once, like a broken dam. “When you don’t, when you go on dates with girls, when you don’t talk to me for days until you decide you want to fuck me again, when you don’t care nearly as much as I fool myself into thinking you do.”

There are tears clinging to his eyelashes, and Tao feels pathetic in front of Joonmyeon, spilling out his confession and expecting nothing but for Joonmyeon to walk out of there.

Instead Joonmyeon takes a step forward, cradling Tao’s head in his hands and wiping away tears with his thumbs. “Who says I don’t care?”

Tao looks up at Joonmyeon’s face and reels at the intense look in his eyes. 

“Tao, I do care about you. I haven’t had a— this kind of relationship before, but I know feelings aren’t supposed to be involved.” He shakes his head with a small laugh. “You have no idea how many times I’ve had to hold off from calling you in the middle of the night just to listen to you complain about something stupid or talk about how your latest essay is coming along.”

“What?” Tao lets out weakly. 

Joonmyeon’s hands leave his face, slides down his arms to catch Tao’s fingers in his. “I thought it would be easier like this, paying for company so I wouldn’t have to worry about the mess of an actual relationship. I tried keeping up appearances at that dinner party, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I never expected someone like you, Tao, the way you got under my skin. There’s just something about you that makes me want to do whatever I can to make you happy. If it’s buying things, clothes, food, I’ll—”

“I want more.” Tao pulls him forward by their linked fingers until he’s close enough that Tao can feel Joonmyeon’s breath on his skin. “I want you.”

His shallow breaths feel loud in the quiet room as he waits for Joonmyeon’s response, their mouths only a fraction away from each other.

“You can have me,” Joonmyeon whispers as he closes the distance, pressing their lips together with fervor.

Tao kisses back hard, dragging his tongue against Joonmyeon’s lips until he allows Tao to slip it into his mouth. Letting go of his hands, Tao grabs Joonmyeon by the hips and pulls him close, the edge of his desk digging into the back of his legs.

Tao can feel Joonmyeon growing hard against his thigh already, and his own jeans are straining uncomfortably. He breaks the kiss to rid himself of his shirt, tossing it on the floor before starting on Joonmyeon, getting his suit jacket off and depositing it over the back of a chair, loosening his tie and unbuttoning enough buttons that he can trail kisses down Joonmyeon’s neck and clavicles before turning them around and pushing Joonmyeon up against the desk.

Dropping to his knees, Tao lets his hands travel up Joonmyeon’s thighs as he nuzzles into his crotch, drawing a gasp from the older man. He undoes the leather belt with dexterous fingers, wasting no time with undoing the zip and pulling Joonmyeon’s hard cock out of his briefs. Wasting no time, Tao only presses a small kiss to the tip before he wraps his lips around the head and sinks down on Joonmyeon’s cock. 

His own blood rushes south as he feels Joonmyeon growing even harder in his mouth, the soft pants from above him where Joonmyeon is holding onto the desk desperately as Tao lets his cock go as far into Tao’s mouth as he can handle before pulling off with a wet sound, licking a stripe up the underside of it and swallowing it down again. He works Joonmyeon’s cock the way Tao knows he likes it, taking him deep and with steady strokes of his fingers where his mouth just can’t reach.

Joonmyeon’s hand comes down to cradle Tao’s head and he gasps in pleasure as Tao moans around his cock. The hand on the back of his head isn’t commanding, but comforting as Tao takes as much of Joonmyeon as he can into his mouth, almost gagging on his cock as he pushes a hand against his own erection to relieve some of the pressure.

Tao can tell by the short, broken moans when Joonmyeon is about to come, and he pulls away until only the tip is in his mouth, lavishing it with kitten licks as he strokes Joonmyeon with his hand. It doesn’t take long for Joonmyeon’s fingers tighten in his hair as he spills into Tao’s mouth with a low groan.

“Fuck,” Joonmyeon says breathlessly as Tao gets off his knees, kissing Joonmyeon with a whine as he presses the bulge in his jeans against Joonmyeon’s hip. “Do you have lube?”

Tao nods fervently, leaving Joonmyeon for only a few seconds to stride across the room and get the small, half full bottle from under his pillow. Joonmyeon smiles as he presses a kiss beneath Tao’s ear, tugging him close. “Have you been using that by yourself?”

“I thought of you every time, your fingers, your cock,” Tao says, voice catching in his throat as Joonmyeon mouths across his piercings. 

“Fuck me, Tao.” Joonmyeon pulls Tao’s head close for a kiss and Tao moans helplessly into it, lubing up his fingers before slipping his hand down the back of Joonmyeon’s pants. Pressing against Joonmyeon’s entrance, Tao is rewarded with a low moan as his finger slips inside, Joonmyeon’s dick twitching with interest.

It’s a bad angle and Tao soon pulls out, turning Joonmyeon around and pushing him down until he’s leaning on his elbows on the desk, ass jutting out where Tao pulls down his pants to mid-thigh for better access. It’s a nice ass, and Tao can’t help grabbing it as he pushes two fingers inside, massaging the cheek as he tries to find Joonmyeon’s prostate. Joonmyeon looks back at him over his shoulder, panting, and it’s when he suddenly drops his head and pushes back against Tao’s finger with a groan that Tao knows he found the right spot.

“You look amazing like this,” Tao says as he pushes a third finger in, admiring the blush on Joonmyeon’s skin and the way his cock is already half hard again.

“Just fuck me already.”

Tao almost laughs at Joonmyeon’s urgency, a far cry from the slow and patient way he usually fucks Tao, but right now Tao is painfully hard himself. “Do you have a condom?” He presses his fingers in deeper, pushing up Joonmyeon’s shirt with his free hand and dragging his fingers along Joonmyeon’s bare back. 

Joonmyeon groans. “I don’t”. He looks back at Tao. “Are you clean?”

Tao nods. 

“Me too,” Joonmyeon says with a look, and Tao pulls his fingers out slowly.

“Are you sure?” 

Joonmyeon nods, and Tao wipes his fingers clean on his jeans before unbuttoning them and pulling his cock out, pushing it against Joonmyeon’s ass and letting it catch against his rim. He tries to push in as slowly as Joonmyeon usually does, not wanting to cause any pain, but the tight heat enveloping him makes it almost impossible for him to hold back. He bottoms out with their hips pressed flush together, scraping his nails down Joonmyeon’s back before grabbing hold of his hips and pulling out almost all the way before slamming back in.

The sounds coming out of Joonmyeon’s mouth as Tao fucks him are nothing short of angelic to Tao’s ears, short gasps and low moans and sudden cries of pleasure that makes Tao want to hit that same spot on every thrust. Joonmyeon is impossibly tight around him, the raw friction making Tao breathless as he works his hips, reaching beneath them to wrap a hand around Joonmyeon’s cock.

He jerks in time with his thrusts and soon Joonmyeon is muffling his sounds in the crook of his elbow as Tao feels him tensing around his cock. He can feel his own orgasm building up and he slams harder into Joonmyeon, hand tight enough on his hips that it might leave bruises. 

Joonmyeon pushes back against his hips and suddenly Tao hears his broken moans, feels his dick twitching in Tao’s hand as Joonmyeon’s orgasm hits him, coming across the desk as Tao strokes him. It doesn’t take long for Tao to follow, gasping out Joonmyeon’s name as his hips stutter when he comes, buried deep in Joonmyeon.

He pulls out carefully, grabbing a t-shirt he doesn’t care much about from the floor and cleaning himself and Joonmyeon off with it.

“Sorry about your desk,” Joonmyeon says with a blush on his face as he stands on shaky legs and tucks himself back into his pants, dress shirt wrinkled beyond salvation.

“I’ll live,” Tao says with a grin, cleaning up the worst of it with the shirt before tossing it back on the floor and buttoning his jeans back up.

There’s silence for a moment, and Tao is unsure how to start, but Joonmyeon beats him to it. “Does this mean I get to call you my boyfriend now?”

Tao’s grin widens and when he nods there’s a warmth in his heart, spreading all the way to the fingers he intertwines with Joonmyeon’s.

 

-

 

“Sehuna~”

“What.” Sehun doesn’t bother looking away from his computer even as Tao leans over him, heavily pierced ear only a few centimetres from Sehun’s eyes.

“Look, Sehun! My _boyfriend_ got it for me,” Tao says, pointing at a silvery star in his cartilage.

“I’m so happy for you,” Sehun says in a deadpan voice, leaning away from Tao and trying to clear the line of vision between himself and his screen.

Tao’s phone suddenly rings out with a short, happy tune and Sehun mutters under his breath as Tao gets distracted by the device.

There’s a new message and Tao opens it up, a smile breaking out on his face as he reads it.

_Can’t wait to see you tomorrow!_

The message is followed by a picture, Joonmyeon in his office with a view of half the city behind him. He looks striking in his suit despite the blurriness of the picture. Joonmyeon hadn’t quite gotten the hang of taking selcas yet but no worries, Tao would just have to teach him.


End file.
